I've noticed something missing from many trail runs nowadays. highly capable Jeeps are often seen strutting their stuff in this or other magazines. (Editor's note: There are other magazines?) With the Jeeps fortified and modified almost beyond recognition, how could they be lacking for anything? With monster tires, beefy drivetrains, and gobs of power, there's nothing missing there. how about the drivers themselves? With nerves of steel and enough ego to supply the needs of a small country, the typical driver has everything required, and then some. So what's missing from so many trail runs? The trail itself.
I say this because, in my opinion, a Jeep trail is something that appears more or less passable to a wheeled vehicle. Two parallel ruts through the woods, up and over some obstacles here and there-that's how I'd define a trail. This type of trail ends when it reaches a seemingly impassible point, such as boulders the size of a ocomotive or a hillside too steep to climb on foot, let alone four-wheel your way up. I'd make a mental note that I've reached the end of the trail and then turn around. When a trail ended, there was no way to proceed forward, but this is no longer always the case. Some highly modified Jeeps can conquer terrifying terrain that doesn't even remotely resemble a trail.
Don't let me give the impression that I'm a chicken. Surely, you can reach that conclusion all by yourself, so I don't need to offer any help. I do want to go on record that I'm just as brave as the next guy, however. Take, for example, the sport of skydiving. Who wouldn't feel some trepidation at the thought of jumping from a perfectly good airplane? I'm sure plenty of folks have been stricken with panic while looking down from the open door of some little airplane. Well, I've jumped from a plane before, and without the slightest hesitation. I didn't even use one of those sissy parachutes. OK, the plane was parked in a hangar at the time, but my jump still counts.
Let's get back to talking about the world of Jeep trails, or more specifically, the world beyond Jeep trails. We've already got Jeeps built up to the point that their capabilities are limited only by gravity and other pesky laws of physics. Imagine if there were such a thing as tires with suction cups somehow connected to a central vacuum source. There'd be some technical difficulties to overcome, but the increase in traction would be phenomenal. a Jeep could drive straight up a cliff. Some of you might say that tires like that would really suck, and I'd certainly have to agree with you.
There may not be any need to develop such tires because there are some places men just shouldn't go. While this applies to realizing you've reached the practical end of a Jeep trail, it also includes other situations. Most Jeep trail runs involve large crowds, and even though I've frequented one of the most forbidding places known to man, I certainly don't want a crowd watching me. moral support will come in handy as you pick your way along some white-knuckle trail, but I don't want any witnesses when I prove my fortitude by traveling to one of the most rightening places on the face of the planet. at my local supermarket, I have to enter the aisle "Where No man has Gone Before" to buy certain, umm, unspecified products of a highly feminine nature.
Immediately, I should clarify it's not for me. You see, after the dust settled when their mom set off in pursuit ofgreener pastures, I found myself raising two teenagers (14 and 15). Just so there's no confusion, those are their ages, not names. I didn't want anybody thinking I was so foolish as to give them names like that. (Their real names are 42 and 43.) One of them just happens to be a female, which means I have my work cut out for me. If about to attempt something intimidating, such as piloting a Jeep up the Lion's Back, the typical guy might shout, "hey, watch me!" Believe me, you don't want any attention on that equally daunting mission in the grocery store. For a diversion, try a phony Pa announcement like this: "Tom Selleck is signing autographs in the produce section." Now if I could only figure out how to divert attention from me on a trail run.
-Dr. Vern