When it comes to Jeep transactions, I've always followed a simple buy high/sell low strategy. It makes no financial sense, but at least it's easy. In an abrupt turnaround for me, I'm about to make a different type of major purchase while the market is down. I can't claim I'm some financial genius. All I know is that it was time to save some money by investing in a house. The savings won't actually be due to reduced living expenses. A house will be more expensive than my current apartment, but I'll more than make up the difference with Jeep-related savings.
Let me explain. Thanks to my day job and projects in my own garage, I own at least one of every tool ever made. Not just specialty tools for Jeeps, but nearly everything else, too. Got a distributor frozen in an engine block? I've got the special puller. Need to adjust the door hinges on a GM pickup? The truck is long gone, but I've still got the special wrench. Having trouble closing the engine cowling on your 727? I've got the special tool for that, too. Nearly 20 years' worth of leaning on a tool chest for a living will leave a guy with a lot of goodies. Rumor has it that several Snap-on dealers are enjoying cushy retirements thanks to me. I also heard there's a grade school in Kenosha named in my honor, but maybe that's just another rumor. As if I didn't own enough mechanics' tools, I also own practically every woodworking tool ever made, too.
Simply owning these tools isn't a problem. It gets expensive because they are packed away in cardboard boxes. Boxes are cheap, so what gives? The trouble is I often want to actually use my tools, but the boxes are stacked to the ceiling in my tiny garage. Anytime I'm working on my Jeep and need some obscure tool, I'm not about to dig through all those boxes. Call me lazy, or any other name you'd like (Editor's note: Please form an orderly line, wait your turn, no pushing), but it's too easy to make a quick trip to the tool store instead of rooting through that sea of corrugated cardboard. It's time to find a house with a decent garage and get properly unpacked, instead of slowly buying a spare of every tool I already own.
Another reason to buy a house is that pesky lease I signed for my apartment. I had to initial a clause that expressly prohibited working on vehicles anywhere on the apartment grounds. The property managers have a cruel sense of humor, providing a garage but then clearly stating I couldn't turn a wrench in there. Oh, the humanity! I have a Jeep, how could they be so heartless?
Of course I've worked on my Jeep behind closed doors, but even that is tricky. With nary a hint of insulation, whenever there's the merest suggestion of sunshine outside, stepping into the garage is like going into a sauna. I'd give away my secret if I opened the door for fresh air, so my only option is to endure the heat. I have to be quiet, too, so I must avoid normal garage things such as pneumatic tools, big hammers, and Jeep-specific cursing. There's Murphy's Law to consider, too. I could have my latest Jeep project proceeding swimmingly in the garage, and then the water heater might go on the fritz. I'm not sure how I'd explain a partially disassembled Jeep when the apartment maintenance guy shows up.
I have noticed, however, that other tenants occasionally get away with working on their cars in plain view. I've been studying their techniques. A dead giveaway is having the hood open for anything longer than checking the oil. A big toolbox is also bad, but you can get away with a screwdriver or an adjustable wrench in your back pocket. I figure the landlord will only give one warning about working on my Jeep, so I must be prepared to act innocent. Just like getting pulled over for a traffic violation, the secret is knowing what to say. For example, I might explain to the nice policeman that I lost track of my speed because I was so busy maintaining a safe distance from other traffic, or that yes, I normally do wear pants when driving. In a similar vein, I've got to be ready to sweet-talk my way out of trouble with my landlord, pretending I was simply replacing a fuse when in fact I was replacing the entire wiring harness. Living like that is kind of nerve-wracking, though, so it's time to move to my own place. There'll be no need to worry when I fire up the welder, run the air compressor, or resume hoarding Jeep parts.
And so it came to be that one dad, two teenagers, one dog, two Jeeps, and two other unspecified vehicles set off in pursuit of a new home. I should clarify that only the dad (yours truly) and the teenagers were actively involved in the house search. Our dog participated by marking the territory around each house, but considering he's already staked claims across six states over the past few years, his role in the selection process had little effect. Funny thing, though, how my dog gets a treat when he does this, yet if I do the same thing I get in trouble, but I've already digressed. Our mission was to find a house in our price range, suitable for a Jeep collector.
Choosing a new home is tricky business. You're not just picking a residence, you're also selecting your new neighbors. To put it delicately, there are some people I just don't want near me. Put on your rose-colored glasses and sing "Kumbaya" all you want, but there's a certain type of neighbor that will lower surrounding property values. Before I invest my hard-earned money in a home, I will check out the neighbors carefully. Hopefully nobody else in the neighborhood collects Jeeps. -Dr. Vern