I've decided to put my dog in charge of working on my Jeep from now on. There is an important difference in how men and dogs are motivated. Working on an old Jeep often involves a lot of repair attempts that may not do much of anything. Unlike humans, dogs are not willing to perform tasks without a chance of a receiving a reward. I can let my dog out of the house, give the command, and he knows a treat is waiting as soon as he returns from doing his business in the neighbor's yard. If he was lazy and went on my side of the property line, he'd know there'd be no treat for him.
When my CJ-2A's engine was suffering from low oil pressure, consider how much better the situation would have turned out if my dog was in charge. The pressure was OK when cold, but it slowly dropped as the engine warmed up. No problem, I'll just consult the service manual. In some sort of practical joke, the manual gave a long list of possible problems. It should have skipped all the maybe solutions, and cut straight to the method to get a treat for a job well done. Low oil pressure is almost always caused by excessive clearance at the bearings on the crankshaft. The manual, meanwhile, listed all sorts of other possible causes, too. Starvation from low oil level? Frothing from high oil level? Improper viscosity? Worn oil pump? Diluted oil from a leaky fuel pump? These are all relatively simple fixes, but of course none of them applied. This didn't stop me from wasting my time and money investigating every last one of them.
Now, let's consider if my dog got to make the decisions. He'd let nothing stand between him and a treat. He'd go online and do the research. He'd quickly learn the most probable cause was unfortunately the most expensive and time-consuming option. Instead of whining about it, he'd have the engine pulled within a couple of hours because he wasn't about to dilly dally when a treat was waiting.
I fully realize my dog couldn't use most tools, nor could he work a keyboard to do online research. All I'm saying is a dog would have the right mindset when it came to troubleshooting. Instead of wasting time on scenarios that likely wouldn't help, he'd get right down to brass tacks and fix the problem. OK, technically, he'd have to tell me and I'd then make good use of my opposable thumbs.
I'd have to admit I'm not very good at reading my dog's mind. All I detect is one basic train of thought as he walks around with his nose to the ground: Should I eat this, or should I pee on it instead? On second thought, maybe I do have a good lock on his brainwaves. I can, however, make like a dog and keep my mind focused on the reward the next time I need to work on my Jeep. On a related topic, I've noticed other aspects of a dog's brain that are also quite unlike a human's. For example, dogs have a highly developed conscience and are incapable of deceit (This is why you'll never see a dog become a lawyer).
There are some practical problems if taking directions from a dog, so I propose some changes to the service manual to compensate. From past experiences, I had reached the opinion that two things were needed so my Jeep's manual could have some semblance of usefulness: First, the pages needed to be printed on soft, absorbent paper. Second, the pages should have a perforated binding. That way, I could leave it in the bathroom and the manual would finally be good for something.
Back to my example of low oil pressure, the manual could have handled that situation a lot better. Why did the manual have to pussyfoot around, as if somehow breaking the news gently would help? It's like having a teenager come home early one night and being uncharacteristically polite. First a little random chit-chat, and then he quickly escapes after casually mentioning something about your car, a big tow truck, and a diver from the sheriff's department. In a manual, the most likely culprit should simply be listed in large, bold italics. Big arrows could point to it, with a note saying "This one, chucklehead." The other unlikely causes could be listed in faint, tiny print, or not included at all.
This leads us to another potential problem. Even if the manual was more helpful, guys don't follow directions very well. It can be seen as a sign of weakness. Women are generally good at reading and following instructions, but men? Not so much. How can men be prompted to heed directions?
Perhaps there's a cultural reason why men prefer to make their own mistakes. Much of this may come from lessons learned while driving. There are some road signs I obey without hesitation, such as STOP, MERGE, or DRAWBRIDGE. (I carry a pencil and paper in the glove box for that last one.) However, there are other signs that I'll willfully disobey. For example, my local police department carries folding WRECK AHEAD signs with them. From time to time, I'll see one of these signs set up next to the road. Sure enough, a short ways away, somebodyhas obeyed the sign. Personally, I'd rather risk getting a ticket for not following those directions.
Whether you're out for a drive, or working on your Jeep or around the house, at least some instructions are very helpful. Recently, before a big dinner, I waited too long to thaw a frozen turkey, so I bought a fresh one instead and found cooking instructions online. The turkey turned out delicious, although he did make a horrible racket for the first twenty minutes in the oven before finally quieting down. The only other drawback was he clawed me pretty badly when I was preparing the stuffing. -Dr. Vern