The staff of Jp magazine is not picky. We run through Jeeps like Kirstie Alley through a Hostess factory…or a congressman through hot nannies…or a…well, choose your simile. Currently we have dozens of Jeeps parked in our collective driveways and garages, ranging from the earliest flatfenders to the latest JKs. We realize, however, that not everyone has the bank account of Hazel’s sugar momma, Trasborg’s complete lack of self control regarding anything with a seven-slot grille, or Stover’s wheeler-dealer savvy. In short, unlike the Jp staff, we realize most of you can’t try to own ’em all. So, in an effort to narrow down the selection process, we are going put all of our expertise to work to help you pick your next Jeep project. That’s right! Just answer the questions below to determine which Jeep is right for you.
On the trail you are the guy who:
A) Is the trail leader. Everyone is looking to me to lead the way.
B) Goes with the flow. If someone breaks we can get out of the vehicle and find something to do to keep us occupied while it is getting repaired.
C) Is by myself. If I wanted to be social, I’d go to the Elk’s Lodge.
D) Ends up carrying everyone else’s tools and spare parts.
E) Asks if this is the hardest part on the first obstacle and keeps reiterating that the guide book states this trail is only rated a “two.”
How important is aftermarket support to you?
A) The Field of Dreams philosophy: “If they build it, I will buy.”
B) I like to look at catalogs and see what is available, but the Jeep isn’t on the top of the priority list.
C) More concerned about NOS than gee-gaws, and I’m not talking about nitrous oxide, you mouth-breathers!
D) I am used to building all of my own parts anyway.
E) I already got the rubber floor mat option. What other products could I need?
When it comes to interior room, your philosophy is:
A) Less space means less sheetmetal to dent.
B) Between the kids and the dog, the more room the better.
C) If I want interior room, I’ll drive my Lincoln.
D) Interior room isn’t as important as the ability to haul stuff like firewood and junkyard parts.
E) I like a lot of interior space, but not if it means the Jeep is so big that it’s hard to park.
How would you describe your mechanical abilities?
A) I carry all of the tools that I need to fix any part on my Jeep.
B) I can do the basics. I always do preventative maintenance on my Jeep so hopefully I don’t have to fix it on the trail.
C) I can fix everything on my Jeep with a Leatherman and a matchbook cover.
D) I don’t like to brag, but I can hold my own. I’ve never been in a situation on the trail that I could not get out of.
E) I think that my Jeep came with a tool kit, but I don’t actually know where it is located.
Your modification budget:
A) Is hidden from my wife.
B) Only comes around during Christmas and tax returns.
C) My Jeep goes everywhere I need it to. It doesn’t need modifications.
D) Do new valve cover gaskets count as a modification?
E) Is limited to a bike rack or antenna ball.
How important is simplicity in a vehicle to you?
A) Simple is good, but if there is something better out there that happens to be more complicated, I still want it.
B) I guess it is important, but it isn’t at the top of my list with comfort and reliability.
C) Simplicity is the most important. I don’t want to have to turn on a computer to fix my Jeep!
D) Simple is good, but overbuilt is even better.
E) I am a huge fan of simplicity; it totally improves your feng shui.
The tires on your Jeep:
A) Are the biggest, most aggressive my axles can handle.
B) Are 285/75R16. They fit on the stock rims and are narrow enough they don’t get in to the control arms when I turn.
C) The only tire in the world should be the 7.00-16 NDT.
D) Are some 35-inch take-offs that I got from a friend who was upgrading.
E) Are whatever it came with when I bought it. How am I supposed to know?
Now it is time to tally up your score and determine which Jeep is right for you. Give yourself five points for every A answer; four points for every B, three points for every C, two points for every D, and one point for every E.
If you scored 30 or higher…
The only “real” Jeep to you is one that has a windshield that folds down. You realize that your car payment is only going to be about half of what you spend on your Jeep every month. You plan to spend quality time in the garage with your friends outfitting your Wrangler.
If you scored 22-29…
There are likely kids screaming in the background as you read this. Sippy cups and car seats are an everyday part of your life…and sippy cups have a way of disappearing from open-topped Jeeps. You need the four-door utility of a Cherokee or Grand Cherokee.
If you scored 15-22…
You appreciate Jeep’s rich heritage and strongly agree with Enzo Ferrari’s statement that “Jeep is America’s only real sports car.” You will be happiest behind the 20-inch steering wheel of an early military flatfender.
If you scored 10-15…
You are a practical person who isn’t swayed by the latest fads. In fact, you would rather thumb your nose at trends and are proud of your individuality and common sense. You belong on the bench seat of a J truck.
If you scored under 10…
It is likely you are reading this copy of Jp at your brother’s house, or perhaps the dentist’s office. Your idea of the great outdoors is going to Eddie Bauer and you really want a Subaru Forester, but you don’t want to drive the same car as your friends. You belong in a Patriot or Compass.