I have a problem. Technically, my Jeep has the problem, but I'm the one who caused it. The laws of nature and resultant chemical reactions are somewhat at fault too, but the lion's share of blame rests with yours truly. My Jeep has . . . oh the shame, I'm not sure I can talk about it, but I'll try. My Jeep has rust on the winch fairlead.
A winch is a wonderful device for getting unstuck. Find yourself augered in while crossing a mud pit? No problem. Play out the winch cable and pull your way to solid ground. Stuck on some rocks on a steep hill? Make a short hike with the cable to a handy tree at the top, and your Jeep will soon reach the crest. A winch sure comes in handy for situations like this, but what if you're not getting stuck on a regular basis? In that case, rust on the fairlead is the inevitable result.
The problem is I now have a shamefully low Jeeper-to-Jeep ratio. As a young man with little sense of fear, I'd have lied, cheated, or stole to have such a capable Jeep like the one I have now. I four-wheeled for years without the benefit of off-road goodies like traction differentials or a winch. I spun those open diffs and would've given my eye teeth for a winch. My enthusiasm and lack of fear caused my Jeeper-to-Jeep ratio to peg high off the scale at the time. Meanwhile, my time-to-money ratio was way out of whack too. Considering I was in the name-tag portion of my career path, there wasn't much money to go around. The Jeep I had was a bare-bones unit held together with bailing wire and chewing gum.
Over the last 10 years or so, the ratios have dramatically changed. I've acquired a CJ-2A and turned it into one highly capable off-road traveler. The rear axle has a homemade selectable locker. Up front, I've got a Power Lock limited-slip cranked down for extra traction. Throw in some supple springs, 5.38 gears, and an engine with no shortage of torque down low where it counts, and this baby has morphed into one capable off-roader. Hence, it seems my Jeep hardly gets stuck anymore, and my Jeeper-to-Jeep ratio is now in the toilet.
Harder to quantify, however, is how much I have gone downhill while my Jeep has most certainly shot up. Faced with the decision whether to attempt a trail that had once seemed impassable, my Jeep is now tough enough, but I'm not so sure about me. There must be some survival instinct kicking in. Am I doomed? Will I be looking for a trail named Daisy Picker instead of Daisy Pusher? Should I surrender now and spring for the plaid pants and tasseled loafers? (Editor's note: Don't knock 'em till you've tried them.)
What's the solution to get my Jeeper-to-Jeep ratio back into a respectable range? A less-capable Jeep would certainly help. Those old, bald tires on my back porch could finally come in handy now that I have a legitimate need for less traction. I could lose the locking differential. Before I know it, I could be getting stuck again on a regular basis, and the winch fairlead would soon shine like it was chrome-plated. Working from the other end of the scale, I could toughen myself up to hopefully exceed the reduced capabilities of my Jeep. I'm going to die someday, right? If that's the case (Editor's note: It is?), why not go for the gusto and go out behind the wheel of my Jeep? Given my druthers, I'd still prefer an option that doesn't involve meeting my maker ahead of schedule.
Meanwhile, my time-to-money ratio has changed noticeably too. Way back when, I'd have enough time for unlimited off-roading, but not enough spare cash to properly support such an expensive habit. Nowadays, I can swing the money, but the free time isn't always free. All I have to do is get my Jeep ready for the weekend, and four-alarm projects will suddenly materialize on my desk at 3 o'clock on a Friday afternoon. Sadly, my boss has high expectations of me and knows he can count on me in a pinch. Competency has its drawbacks, as high-caliber work is expected all the time. If you know how to get out of such a trap, let me know. I've tried being incompetent, but unfortunately, I'm not very good at it.
-Dr. Vern