Ah, there’s nothing like a brisk walk to refresh your mind. Walking along, you can’t help but ponder the big questions we all ask ourselves: What is the meaning of life? How big is the universe? Why didn’t I check the fuel level before driving home last night?

Time stands still for no man. It’s hard to argue with that old axiom ’cause it’s true. But that’s not to say it passes at the same rate. Ever notice how an hour spent sitting in an insurance seminar seems like a lifetime, but a six-day vacation seems to go by in the blink of an eye? The same holds true when it comes to this vehicular hobby we all suffer from. My wife calls it Jeep time, and it goes something like this.

Loopy
This ’01 Wrangler belongs to Travis Cooley, who at the time of submission was residing in Ft. Irwin, California. Thanks for serving, Travis. The Jeep has a 4½-inch suspension lift, a 1-inch body lift, and 1-inch motor mount lift. A Warn 9.5ti winch sits on the front Rock Hard 4x4 bumper, and the rear is protected by a Rock Hard tire carrier. The Dana 30 front and Dana 44 rear are stuffed with 4.88 gears. A VIAIR on-board air system activates the rear ARB Air Locker. The 37x12.50/16 Maxxis Creepy Crawlers are wrapped around Allied Rock-A-Thon beadlocks. The photo was taken on the Doran Loop in Calico (outside of Barstow), California.

Kicking Back
This image was shot by Petersen Publishing Company photographer Al Paloczy in May, 1957 for Hot Rod magazine. While it never graced the pages of Hot Rod, we can only guess that such parking gatherings were a common place to find modified Jeeps back then.

We won’t say that Jeep Chix is the most popular edition of Sideways. You guys say that for us! It’s gotten to the point that we’re actually getting nasty letters from both male and female readers about the months we don’t run photos of cute Jeep girls. So, are we going to go all-chicks all the time? Well, probably not. But the more submissions we get, the more Jeep Chix installments we can tantalize you with, so send ’em on in. Either snail-mail your submissions to Jp magazine, Attn: Jeep Chix, 831 S. Douglas St., El Segundo, CA 90245 where Hazel will probably just toss it in the ol’ circular file. Or much better, email your high-res images (include name and age of model and state/city taken) to christian.hazel@jpmagazine.com with “Jeep Chix” in the subject line.

Every few years we serve up a smorgasbord of information on tires tested by our esteemed staff. Like discerning food critics, we call ’em how we see ’em. If Trasborg thinks the lowly growl of a mud terrain on pavement sounds like a Cessna during takeoff, we’ll say so. When Stover shreds a sidewall without even trying, you read about it here. If Hazel finds that the lacking of lug spacing on an all terrain compromises traction in the mud, you’ll hear about it. Each evaluation is concluded by a series of scores in the six categories we feel most accurately represents what you do with your Jeep.

There’s something we can all agree to hate. No, not lime-flavored beer, but it ranks a close second. We’re talking about looking in the rearview mirror and seeing The Man. What should you do? Can you get out of a ticket? Is your Jeep a cop magnet? We picked the badge, er, brain of Public Information Officer Leland Tang with the California Highway Patrol for the dos and don’ts when dealing with law enforcement. Although he’s based in California, much of his info and advice should translate to where you live, too.

If you regularly spend time out on the trail, you’re probably used to seeing interesting ideas and clever concepts on the vehicles you encounter. However, for new enthusiasts or those of you who do not get out much, let this story serve as inspiration because everything you see here came from fellow wheelers just like you.

The staff of Jp magazine is not picky. We run through Jeeps like Kirstie Alley through a Hostess factory…or a congressman through hot nannies…or a…well, choose your simile. Currently we have dozens of Jeeps parked in our collective driveways and garages, ranging from the earliest flatfenders to the latest JKs. We realize, however, that not everyone has the bank account of Hazel’s sugar momma, Trasborg’s complete lack of self control regarding anything with a seven-slot grille, or Stover’s wheeler-dealer savvy. In short, unlike the Jp staff, we realize most of you can’t try to own ’em all. So, in an effort to narrow down the selection process, we are going put all of our expertise to work to help you pick your next Jeep project. That’s right! Just answer the questions below to determine which Jeep is right for you.

Who You?
Dear Verne, who the hell are you?
Bob
Via email

No matter how crazy the world may seem today, things have been worse. For example, I still scratch my head trying to make sense of December, 1988. First “Every Rose Has Its Thorn” reached the top of the music charts, and then lawn darts were outlawed. These were big, heavy darts, designed to be tossed at targets arranged on your lawn. The ban had something to do with putting large, dangerous projectiles in the hands of children, but what could go wrong? There may have been the occasional sibling designated as the target, not that I would know anything about that. (Editor’s note: That would explain the bull’s-eye T-shirt that my family gave me.) It took an amazing level of hypocrisy to ban them (I’m back to talking about lawn darts, not siblings). If the government is so eager to protect us, why are cocktail napkins still legal?

There is no denying that heat kills auto- matic transmissions faster than a coronary will take out a fat man who has won free unlimited doughnuts for life. We’ve talked a lot about transmission coolers, but not so much about what is too hot or how to monitor the transmission. The fact of the matter is that you might need to add an auxiliary cooler, but the only way to be sure is to first install a gauge and monitor just how hot your junk is getting. This, of course, opens a whole other can of worms. Where do you put the sensor? How hot is too hot for your transmission? Well, read on and we’ll sort out the mysteries.

Most Jeepers fall into one of two categories: a rock hound or a mud freak. But every once in a while we run into one of those Jeepers who likes Jeeping so much, it doesn’t matter what kind of terrain it is. The Cooper Discoverer S/T Maxx is the newest member of Cooper’s lineup and it is a lot like that. Its mild-mannered looks are somewhat deceiving as we didn’t find any terrain it didn’t like. Upon first glance we were sure we’d end up with banana peels in the mud, but that wasn’t the case. Sure, it did better in some than others, but what tire doesn’t?

Life with an automatic transmission is like dating a high-maintenance supermodel: awesome to be around when everything works out and the mood is good. She can make you feel like a million bucks as heads turn to watch her pass, but when you show her even the slightest sign of neglect, she becomes a stubborn mule, unwilling to do even the simplest of tasks. That’s because automatic transmissions are complex and require constant preventive maintenance to keep them happy. As such, we’ve assembled a buyer’s guide to assist you with preserving the relationship you’ve come to depend on between you and your automatic transmission. Enjoy.

Have you ever watched a runty little dog try to take a bone away from a much bigger pooch? Most will keep at it, getting knocked down repeatedly—until they score that bone. There’s some of that plucky spirit in the Kelly Tires Safari TSR all-terrain tires we’ve been testing. Indeed, they’re willing to take on much more aggressive terrain than their mild-mannered tread blocks would suggest—sometimes successfully, sometimes not.

Wanna rip up the trail on the weekends but not your eardrums or kidneys during your weekday commute? Go Baja Claw TTC, man. With only minor exceptions, about the only negative we could come up with for these Mickey Thompson tires is the fact that they’re directional. That means you can’t rotate ’em as frequently or as easily and your spare tire may be running backwards…not that you’ll probably ever use your spare. These things are as tough as nails.

Maybe it’s just us, but we usually reserve the BFGoodrich tires for the rigs we really care about. It’s kinda like busting out the fine China or those sniffy bathroom soaps for special guests. Sure, some of our rigs would be just as happy chugging fortified bum wine from a Styrofoam cup, but others deserve something with proper vintage and pedigree. For those vehicles, we reach for the top-shelf BFGoodrich label.

• Put this on your calendar: Grand Cherokee. Diesel. 2013.

AL to the LB
I was writing in response to your story Jenny Craig Jeep (Oct. ’11) in regards to weight saving. My first question is why were aluminum links completely overlooked? This is not an uncommon practice not only to lose weight, but for potential strength increases.

Jeep transmissions love this time of year. Not only do they run cooler in the winter months, but crappy weather along with seasonal trail closures force many Jeeps into a state of hibernation. Sure, interruptions may come in the form of spur of the moment snow runs, or that pesky neighbor who refuses to plow and instead requests your assistance to free his stuck Honda Accord. Like a grizzly bear holed up in a cave, winter downtime can foster laziness from even the most industrious Jeeper. We are here to combat such neglect and inspire you to crank up the shop heater and put in the hours necessary to prep your rig for the imminent thaw of spring. Winter is the perfect time to tackle those little projects you put off during the summer months. Routine maintenance items such as changing out the transmission fluid and filter are a good start. However, if you want to make the most of your vehicle’s hiatus, consider adding an auxiliary transmission cooler. When the ice cycles retreat, and open top weather returns, your Jeep will thank you.

There are many levels to being a cheapass, but it’s okay to spend coin if you see value. Carpet stains, dents, and scratches aren’t going to affect capability, but if you’re stuck in a mud pit with a set of tires that came cheap cause one was bald, you’re gonna regret it. If you bought a Jeep for a song, then even a cheapass can stomach spending a few bucks to make it what you want it to be. Only cut corners where you won’t notice or care. Sometimes there’s no inexpensive or free way around it, so you pull out that wallet, creak it open, and dump the Benjamins to pay for it.

Stop paying other people $50 (if you are lucky) to put a stereo in your girlfriend’s car. Well, that is, if you are the lucky 1-percent of Jp magazine readers who actually have a girlfriend. If you are unlucky, you are paying some 16-year-old who knows way less than you to do a crappy job putting a stereo in your Jeep. I’ve talked about soldering here. I’ve covered other good ways to connect wires. I guarantee you that the teenager you pay to install your stereo isn’t using any of my good advice. You might not believe me. One guy told me once he didn’t believe in plastic. I’ve seen plastic. It exists. And I am right about wiring a radio.

Much like a fat guy in a speedo, there are just some things that jump out at you and are impossible miss. Unfortunately, many of the things that go awry with our Jeeps are not so obvious. Our past story (“Gaining Through Losing,” Oct. ’11) got us thinking about it. Not the fat guy in the speedo, but the impact that tire selection has on mileage. In that story we picked up 0.63 mpg by simply losing 28 lbs of rotating weight at each corner, or 112 lbs of total rotating weight lost. But what about the tread design? Despite using two different brands of tires, we kept the tread design as similar as possible for that test. As we kicked the idea around more and more, we decided we likely had enough data from enough different vehicles to figure out just how different tires affect mileage.

One of the original features that made Jeeps so appealing, both to the military and for recreational use, was the fact they were small and maneuverable enough to go just about anywhere. Sixty years ago though, no one thought that “just about anywhere” would include climbing ten-foot-tall vertical ledges. No Jeep that has the wheelbase of a Yamaha Rhino is going to climb the kind of obstacles found on today’s rockcrawling trails. This is what Robert Baird realized when wheeling his CJ-5 on the infamous trails of Las Cruces, New Mexico. Baird hails from nearby El Paso, Texas, and chose to replace his trusty CJ-5 with an ’82 CJ-8 Scrambler for added stability on the big climbs.

Easy Healing
From speedometer gears to electronic devices, there has never been a way to correct your speedometer that is so easy. The SpeedoHealer is so easy, a 16-year-old girl can install it and adjust it. It plugs into your ’98-’01 Cherokee or ’98-’06 Wrangler (including Rubicon and Unlimited) and the universal kit can be made to work with any ’92-’97 Jeep. If you have access to a GPS and can follow instructions you can adjust your speedometer for any gear and tire combination in seconds. Swap gears or tires as many times as you want and actually be able to use your speedometer to see how fast you are going.
Information: Blue Monkey Motorsports, 877/234-5150
bluemonkeymotorsports.com