Ever wonder what a magazine editor dreams about? Coming to class without having done my homework or showing up completely naked at an important public event hardly wake me from my slumber anymore. Heck, those situations sound less like nightmares and more like a pretty typical day around here. My nightmares are much more detailed and horrifying, at least to me.
I exited the elevator and someone rushing by me like a rat jumping a sinking ship managed to blurt out that Tech Editor Christian Hazel had quit. Christian has become a key element at Jp, and I was shocked and bummed all at once, realizing it would be impossible to replace his talent. I entered the office area, and everyone was running around like it was a Price Is Right free-for-all. People I knew were being fired, and new faces were being hired right there in front of me. Paper was flung about the cubicles like one of those crazy movie scenes portraying a stock market trading floor.
In total disbelief, I retreated to my office where a young, fairly attractive, yet cocky blonde woman stood in the doorway. I looked in and noticed that my office had been remodeled, unbeknownst to me. It was larger-nearly twice the size of my old office-and resembled the shape and layout of my childhood bedroom, only very different. The crushed brown threadbare office floor covering had been replaced with blood-red shag carpeting, and all of the furniture had been upholstered with a thick, brown, synthetic fur-like material. It looked like someone had skinned a whole family of Ewoks to decorate my office.
Before I entered, I turned to the girl in the doorway, who was clearly a new hire, and she said, in perhaps the most condescending tone ever, "I'm going to like having your office!"
I wrinkled my brow in disgust, shrugged my shoulders, knowing that someone above us both had for some reason decided this was a good idea, and walked in, wondering why and how my workplace had turned so freakishly upside down. I sat on my fur-covered foot stool and went to work on my laptop, which for some reason, was sitting on a desk that was at least a foot shorter. I then found out our cool, calm, and collected Group Publisher and Senior Vice President Rob had been replaced by an irrational loose cannon that made decisions based on knee-jerk reactions and personal vendetta. We'll call her Laurie.
Laurie walked into my office, and having already decided my fate, told me that she was moving me off of Jp, a magazine that I have put one quarter of my life into, to work on a new title called Kid 4x4. I had no idea how to run Kid 4x4 magazine and could clearly see that this was her way of getting me riled up. It worked, of course.
I woke up in a cold sweat, stressing about how I was going to replace Christian, still wondering what the hell Kid 4x4 was supposed to be about, not realizing that it was only a dream. It took me several minutes to calm down and grasp that I was in my bed. Then I went back to a deep sleep, dreaming about not turning my stories in on time and showing up to a press event naked.-John Cappa